annawintour:

if i were a drag queen on ru paul’s drag race my drag persona would be pleakley from lilo and stitch

shanemorris:

When a fat person gets shot, do they bleed, or does Velveeta come out.

• mom: what do you even DO on the internet?
• me: i have no idea

THE BEST TRAIN CONVERSATION I HAVE EVER OVERHEARD 

• Man 1: But I'm not Gay!
• Man 2: Yeah, but if you WERE. Thor or Loki?
• Man 1: but I'm not!
• Man 2: IRRELEVANT! THOR OR LOKI!
• Man 1: honestly?
• Man 2: THOR OR LOKI!
• Man 1: probably Iron Man.
• Man 2: SERIOUSLY? TONY STARK?
• Man 1: yeah. I'd love to be Robet Downey Jr's bitch. God, that man....
• Man 2: ooh I know what you mean. how would he proceed?
• Man 1: well we'd be having dinner and he'd have his hand on my leg and he'd whisper in my ear and tell me exactly what he was going to do to me.
• Man 2: oh yeah..
• Man 1: and then his hand'd go further to the top of my leg and start grasping my-
• Random Woman: EXCUSE ME THERE ARE CHILDREN ON THIS TRAIN.
•  *awkward silence*
• Man 2: ...and you said you werent gay!